|"Mr. and Mrs. ???"|
|Season 2, Episode 31|
|A report comes over the radio indirectly saying that the Howell's marriage is void.|
|Written By:||Jack Gross, Jr. and Michael R. Stein|
|Directed By:||Gary Nelson|
|"V" for Vitamins||Meet the Meteor|
Mr. and Mrs. ??? is the thirty-first episode of the Second Season. It aired April 21, 1966.
While working in the Howell's Country Club on the island, Gilligan screws up their drinks and has to replace them. Meanwhile, a current event program on the news reveals a reverend in Boston named Buckley Norris has turned out to be a fraud. As he was the man who married them, the Howells realize they're not legally married which shocks the rest of the Castaways. Mrs. Howell orders a division of their common properties until they can be married which distresses Mr. Howell. Meanwhile, Ginger proposes that the Skipper marry them back to each other until the Professor points out that the Skipper has no authority on land. Gilligan suggests they have the marriage on a raft in lagoon to make it legal, but Mr. Howell becomes increasing impatient with Mrs. Howell's demands, including her choice to revert to her maiden name and use her grandmother's ring now stuck on Gilligan's finger. Tired of the difficulty, he refuses to marry her, steps off the raft and sinks into the lagoon. Afterward, he moves into the Boy's Hut, making them his slaves, as Mrs. Howell moves into the Girl's Hut and talks incessantly about Mr. Howell. The Castaways eventually cook up a plan to make the Howells jealous of each other which results in a competition to annoy each other. When that scheme fails, the Skipper dresses up like a headhunter, and Mr. Howell instinctively rises to protecting his wife, throwing a coconut at the Skipper's head and leaving him befuddled. The next day, the Howell want to give the marriage scenario another try, but a retraction comes over the radio identifying the real fraudulent reverend as Boris Knuckley, not Buckley Norris. Another wedding is a waste of time as they are still married, but seconds later, they're arguing over how their hut is arranged. The Skipper and Gilligan rush to their hut to barricade it against Mr. Howell returning, but he still gets inside with a whole new list of chores.
- "It takes an occasional thorn to remind us that marriage is truly a bed of roses."
- Coming up
- Bob Denver as Gilligan
- Alan Hale, Jr. as The Skipper
- Jim Backus as Mr. Howell
- Natalie Schafer as Mrs. Howell
- Tina Louise as Ginger
- Dawn Wells as Mary Ann
- Russell Johnson as The Professor
- Unidentified actor as the Radio Announcer
- For the Skipper to legally marry the Howells, he would have to be five miles out from shore. However, being shipwrecked castaways, the Skipper is still legally permitted to marry the Howells without having to be out at sea. Furthermore, since they have been married for over twenty years, they would legally still be married under a common-law marriage. However, being a privately-owned ship's captain, he wouldn't have the same nautical powers as a publicly-owned ship's captain.
- Gilligan's reluctance to get married suggests that his parent's marriage might have been unstable and filled with a lot of fighting and arguments.
- While building the bridal raft, the Skipper manages to avoid getting hit by Gilligan swinging bamboo posts, only to get a hammer dropped on his foot.
- Mrs. Howell reveals her wedding ring was her great-great-great-great-grandmother's ring.
- As of this episode, the Howells and the Castaways have been on the Island for five years. They remark being married for 25 years while they were married for twenty years in Home Sweet Hut.
- Mr. Howell's demands of Gilligan and the Skipper include a bath at 8:05 (temperature at 79 degrees), massage, brisk rubdown and breakfast. At dinner, he has cocktails dinner followed by a night cap and a late night snack.
- When the Skipper says, "This is our hut." the exterior of the Howell's Hut comes up instead of the Boy's Hut.
- The Skipper wears the exact same head-hunter costume Russ Grieve wore in How to Be a Hero.
- After the Howells stop fighting and retreat to their hut, the interior of their hut through the doors reveals its barren and has none of their "furniture" or "belongings."
- Mr. Howell - "Ho, don't be silly. Being married is the only way to live."
Mrs. Howell - "Happiness is two people living in wedded bliss."
Mr. Howell - "Thinking the same thoughts."
Mrs. Howell - "Liking the same things."
Mr. Howell - "Ah, togetherness all the way."
Gilligan - "Well, I guess getting married is okay for married people, but I'm single people."
- Skipper - "I'm a little nervous, Professor. I'm more used to christening ships then marrying people"
Professor - "Oh, relax, Skipper. You'll do just fine."
Skipper - "I just hope I don't forget myself and hit them over the head with a bottle."
- Skipper - "Ah, the best man."
Gilligan -"Well, I'm finally best man at something."
Skipper - "Gilligan, you couldn't be best man at an all-girl's school!"
- Mrs. Howell - "Skipper, my name happens to be Wentworth, and it remains Wentworth until after the ceremony."
Skipper - "Yes, ma'am."
Mr. Howell - "Lovey, don't be so stubborn. You were Mrs. Howell much longer than you were Ms. Wentworth."
Mrs. Howell - "Is that a remark concerning my age?"
- Mrs. Howell - "This wedding has all the charm of a street riot."
- Gilligan - "Mr. Howell, you didn't lose a wife, you lost a construction crew!"
- Gilligan - "Look at it this way, Skipper, no matter how pretty your marbles are, the other guy's are prettier."
Skipper - "Just what I need, a drop out philosopher."
- Gilligan - "I must be the first waiter who deserves combat pay!"